Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
