Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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