I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
