I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
