Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
