We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
