You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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