Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
