Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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