Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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