SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
