Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
