How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize