The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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