you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
