i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I am available for nakedness
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize