My liver just broke up with me...
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
