Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
