i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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