3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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