I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
