everyone is single if you try hard enough
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize