That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
