i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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