If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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