How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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