So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
