Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
