just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
operation harelip BJ is a go
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Help me help you realize you are a moron
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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