so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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