I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
