i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
