i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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