Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
