I can feel you judging me through the phone.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I stole a fireplace last night.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
