are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize