You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You are a genius and a whore.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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