It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
