All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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