You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
