If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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