Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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