not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
