ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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