My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
