The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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