So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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