I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
