I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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