So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
