Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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