so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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