So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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