Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
