oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Randomize
