could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
