it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
