..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
