Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
