who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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