Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Randomize
