I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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