come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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