we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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