I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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