community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
