I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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