I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
