you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
