In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
