I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
