I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
