Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
