If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
