Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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