I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
