Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
