i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
