Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
